Love

1st Corinthians 13:4_8

“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it us not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth.  It always protects, always trusts always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”

Amazing, the perfect picture of love.  So beautiful.

I want that kind of love in my life.  To love someone like that and be loved the same in return.

At the same time…I wonder did I fail?  Did I not love enough that now my marriage is gone, my trust can never be repaired and I will never have that with my husband.

I feel as though I failed

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6 Comments

  1. How can someone who tried for so long under the most dire circumstances, through the hurt and despair and fear and loneliness and emptiness and struggles and suffering ever possibly be the one who failed? You offered up genuine love, your heart, trust, and vulnerability. HE is the one who did not appreciate it or cherish it or reciprocate the same to you.

    HE IS THE ONE WHO FAILED.

  2. YOU DID NOT FAIL!!!! Although it may seem as if it was your “lack of love” or whatever you feel that failed, please believe it was not. The problem was him. His inability to control himself. It is not your fault that he has issues with control. The need to control you. THe need to make you feel as if you are less then what you are. To treat you in ways that you do not deserve.
    THe failure is in him, not in you…

      • it makes total sense and believe me. it took my about a year to really believe it for myself-if i was just a better cook, if i was calmer, if, if, if went though my head all the time. It took me a while to truly believe that no matter what I did, there was nothing that I could do to change him, or the situation. That the problem was not me. Keep strong, we all have our aha moments.

      • I agree with my girl Abby on this one. You absolutely CAN place all the blame for his actions against you, because no one forced him to do ANY of the things he did to you. You didn’t tell him, ask him to, or force him to. No one coerced him to cause you harm. He made a conscious decision to do this to. Abusers do what they are.

        Even if you did something horrible to him, there is nothing in all the universe that could justify his abuse or even move a portion of it away from him to you. What you are feeling now is still part of the victim blame game. As Abby said, we all go through this, some longer than others, but we all do. They get inside our heads and twist and manipulate everything so badly that we can no longer discern reality from the falsehoods they pump in. This is called gaslighting. The term actually came from a movie that came out in the 1930s.

        The abuser is so skilled at getting you to doubt yourself.. doubt reality, and your sanity. They push you to a point where you now have to rely on their say-so of the facts and that is the scariest place to be. Because while they have you believing a reality they build for you, they have others believing that you are losing your mind. So if you get out and you try to tell someone what was going on, they seriously don’t listen.. and sometimes this is how abusers get away with what they do.

        You couldn’t have changed anything. Not the situation, and definitely not him. But man do they get you thinking if you just learned how to act you could. It becomes an impossible chase. I assure you, even though I do not know you, even though Abby doesn’t know you.. we both assure you that you not only did the best you could… you still kept trying, just trying to make it work. You went well above and beyond in your efforts. The blame is his. You will need to work on finding peace with this and leave the blame where it belongs: on him. Everything he did was HIS choice.

        You know, when I said you couldn’t change anything, that wasn’t exactly the truth…. You did the ONE and ONLY thing you could have done to make things better. Know what it is? YOU LEFT.

        You are a strong woman. Just need more time to heal, hon. You will get there.

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