Outside validation

How do you stop looking for outside validation?

I seen to need it.  It is strange. Almost an addiction.  I want to be told I’m not crazy, that I make sense, that I am ok.

I think I already know those things…but I doubt myself.  I feel the need to have someone agree.  It’s a little annoying.

I am not sure how to get over my issues.  I don’t know how to get my self worth back…if I ever had it.

My reasoning says one thing…but my true deep rooted feelings and beliefs say another.  I know how to get them in line. 

How can I find a way to truly believe the truth?

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4 Comments

  1. How do you stop? This only comes with time, as with just about everything else related to the domestic violence aftermath. I am still having times where I have doubts as well. However, when I come here, they are relieved. The evidence of not being alone is overwhelming, and the comfort that I can come here when those doubts surface and reach out to other survivors through my blog, I feel reassured and the doubts subside. Initially, when I struggled with this, I made it a point to set small goals for myself that were just outside my comfort zone… enough to cause you to exert effort but not so much that the thought paralyzes you with fear and makes you unable to act. When you achieve, have a small celebration for yourself, like a desert or something you don’t allow yourself to eat. Then move on the next. Eventually you come to a point where you notice how it has lifted your mood and made you feel a little better about yourself. But it takes time. It takes patience.

    In the interim, if you need to have us help support you by validating your worth, your sanity, we will do it. We have all done this for each other. Remember the amount of indoctrination it took for you to trapped in all this doubt. It takes so much more work to get rid of it. This is part of the reason why verbal abuse is so insidious. They force you to become an extension of them, and everything you think, do, and say is what THEY want. What THEY expect.. and you come to a point where you can no longer make your own decisions. A part of you feels like to be validated, to be correct, to know you aren’t doing the wrong thing, someone should be telling you this.

    You are absolutely normal, and you are not crazy. I know right now that doesn’t help you resolve this issue, but as you get further away from your abuse, it will come.

  2. You are not crazy, you are ok, and you def make sense. The more you talk about it and then more you connect with others that have been through similar situations, you will regain that confidence and know those truths for yourself.
    Sending love, strength, and happiness

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