Im not sure I have forgiven.

I don’t know how I can forgive without understanding.  Im not sure I know how to simply forgive without adding some other actual action…like forgetting, going back go how things were or pretending there is no ongoing issues.

I am not even sure what inventiveness entails….

I am 27…how can I not understand such a simple thing?  I don’t know…

I don’t think the hurt goes away with forgiveness…it doesn’t mean I will trust again…it doesn’t mean he gets a do over.  So what does actual true forgiveness mean?

Also…can someone who is not sorry, who is not repentant, who does not recognize or admit their wrongs be forgiven?



  1. I’m not it is possible to understand some people, but I think it IS possible to forgive without this. In my experience, this happened when I stopped trying to understand things from their point of view but instead saw them as truly damaged people who are weaker and unhappier than they will ever admit. Maybe it’s pity, not forgiveness – but the main thing is, they stopped having the power to hurt me once I let go.

    • This is pretty much it. By forgiving the offender, you aren’t condoning or justifying the actions… and you aren’t forgetting. By forgiving, you are taking the focus off the abuser and giving yourself the extra room in your head to take care of you. It was far easier for me to forgive Kevin than it was myself. It took a few months before I was even ready to consider it, and still it didn’t come right away. Mine came when I realized that he is a monster, and monsters just do what they are. It doesn’t make it right, it doesn’t excuse it, it doesn’t take away what happened to me or the pain that came with it.. but it allowed me to stop giving him any more time inside my head so I could work on myself. So I didn’t get eaten away and devoured by the negativity.

      If you are currently at a place where you cannot wrap your head around how it is possible, you just simply aren’t ready. And this doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. It just means you need more time. You will know when you are ready. Don’t let anyone push you into it before you are.

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