I refuse to believe that I was made to be hurt…then to die.
There is no way.
I feel like there is a tattoo on my forehead that says “Hurt Me!!”
My own dad physically and sexually abused me from before I remember, my first memories at 6 are of the sexual abuse…through age 14. Till I went to school councilor and told them simply he “touched” me. Within hours he was arrested. The older I got the worse things for for me. My first suicide attempt was at 9. Never did my mom support me, take me to a doctor, or therapist. To this day…she has never asked what happened. I get it is hard for her…but wouldn’t you’d CHILD matter a little? I guess not. When she mentioned my dad…it was to say how mad she was he was gone, to say the boys needed him…and to say we were poor because he was in prison.
So I left home shortly after…when I was still 14. No attempt was made to find me. I called her 6 months later….and she nonchalantly asked if I was coming home. I told her no…and she left it alone. No care or love to speak of.
Then…at 18. I fell for him…he was handsome, charming, sweet, smart, a little bad, a little older….and most importantly he liked ME. Boy was I stupid…
I need good to come from my pain. I need to find someone like me…who would never hurt someone so viciously on purpose.
Are there guys out there who wouldn’t hurt a woman?