So…I moved to yet another shelter

Honestly….this one seems more hopeless than the last.

Never in my life have I been in a shelter, never have I been in such a hard situation.  Yet…since August me and the kids have been in 3 shelters.

The first was supposed to be the only.  But once my husband found out I was there I had to leave…for my safety as well as the safety of all the other women and children at the shelter.  I had to quit my job….and pick up and leave to a place I had never heard of.

Then I went to another shelter…and everything I tried was a complete bust.  My housing fell through, jobs were crap, and no childcare place had room for more than 1 kid.  It didn’t seen feasible to put all 3 in separate daycares when I do not have a car…and my license is suspended.  So that shelter told me to go another place with more opportunities.

I am in a place that yes…is providing me a large room of our own, food, diapers etc.  but I  truly stuck…in the middle of Missouri, in tornado alley, with no car on the side of the interstate.  I am 7 miles from any store…even a gas station.  It is not possible to walk on the interstate to apply for housing, to get a pop or smokes or apply for jobs.

I am overwhelmed, feel trapped, confused and it is upsetting.  I was told to relax for a few days…then I could explain what I need and they will explain what they have to offer me.  I must relax, be thankful for what I have and not dwell on how big of task I have ahead of me.

The easy answer would to be go back to my husband.  If he wasn’t beyond nuts…and if I didn’t know I would die.  I would go back in a heartbeat.  The early abuse pales in comparison to what I am facing. 

At this moment I thank God for bringing me out if he’ll, rescuing me and allowing me a chance to live.  I am thankful I made it through the last year and yes…I actually am thankful it was so bad…because if it hadn’t been, I would still be there.  Or I would have went back.  If I hadn’t seen murder in his eyes…I would deal with the control, accusations, hitting, lies, and put downs.  But I did…and I am terrified to return.

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