Yes, everyone. Each of us were made in His (Gods) image. All of us have something to offer this world, our friends and our family. None of us were made pointlessly.
Now…in just about every person I have met, talked to, read about, seen on TV or walking down the street…I have seen that they are unique, loveable, and have something to teach me.
Yet…here is my dilemma. Where is my talent, my gift, what I am good at or what I have to offer? I feel left out. I can not pin point what I should be doing…what my purpose is where I should aim to be. I have problems believing I am good enough to really do anything…and that is a problem. My logic tells me otherwise…but my heath and feelings tell me im crap.
Yes…I have kids. So I am a mom. But in no way does that fulfill me, in no way am I content just to be a mom. Nothing is wrong with that for others…in fact it is amazing being a good mom. But I have this burning in me that longs to do more, to achieve, to teach, to be a light for many. I am not sure what I am supposed to do….but I believe it will be great. Maybe it will occur after I am gone…but I would like to see it happen with my own eyes. I want to see change, see love and see that I can make a difference.
Maybe I have a big head, but I know I was made for a purpose…I know I can do more than I have done so far.
I guess I need to be patient, work toward my goals…then decide to go for something….a business, a political office, be an advocate, a doctor. Something.
My while childhood I wanted to save lives. First to be a EMT….thanks to the TV show Rescue 911. then to be a trauma surgeon in the ER. I still hold my trauma surgeon dream dear…but I am 27…no high school degree, and a single mom of 3. Homeless, no car. So…it wouldn’t be easy. Actually…at my age…with my kids….it is not really feasible.
Other things are though. I need to try….something, anything.
First things first though. Get me and my kids stable, safe and be able to make decisions from a better place. A better physical, emotional, spiritual and financial place.
I tend to think a head….and get overwhelmed and frustrated. I need to stop. These last 2 days I have done just that, lives in the moment. It is a powerful thing to be able to do…I have never been able to live in the moment for more than a few hours. I pray I wake up tomorrow and God leads me to the same mindset.
I need to quit with the labels. The single mom bs. I need to get over that. It is what it is…I shouldn’t keep bringing myself down by how I look at it. I don’t go around talking about the fact that I am a 5 foot tall (on a good day) white girl…so I shouldn’t do that about my kids and soon to be ex husbands relationship.
It doesn’t matter. I am having issues accepting my situation…so I think that is why I throw it out there. I guess if nobody is bringing me down…I must do it.
No. I will stop.
I am a beautiful woman. I am a God fearing woman. I am a good mother. I love myself and others. I deserve to be loved, respected and not hurt. I have the right to ask for what I need. Nobody has the right to hurt me…not even me. God loves me, made me, and he doesn’t make mistakes. I am loveable, loving, and deserving of good. I am smart, able to make my own decisions and able to do what I need to do even if it doesn’t make everyone happy. I am loved, by God and my children. I deserve to be me. I need to be me.