Frustrated-divorce issues

I sit here wondering and worrying about many things.  Things I need to let go and give to God.  I can not change the past or tell the future.
I can not be happy dwelling on everything but the present.

I wish I had never gotten married for one.  I also wish that I had never had children after being married, I have even wished that our kids were not his.

I never admitted to the abuse.  I never saw divorce as an option and honestly knew nothing about it.  Since, it wasnt an option I never looked into it or even flirted with the idea until after I left him after being with him for 9 years.

There is no easy way for me and our children to be safe.  In Missouri, I am unable to even ask for my husband to sign away his rights because there are no child abuse charges on him.  Also, I can not request for him to pay someone to supervise his visits because the county I live in has no organization to do supervision.  All my family is in AZ although my father in law and his wife are about 6 hours away.  I will be asking if they want to get the kids and watch my husband with them one day a month.  “Fingers crossed”.  I have no car and they would pick the kids up and bring them back.  I hope they agree.
My husband has not talked to his dad since the day after the restraining order was granted.  My husband blames his dad for me leaving and believes I should have stayed.  So, I am hoping he my husband doesnt even try to make the visits.  Plus, I am in Missouri with the kids anf he is in Arizona with no job so traveling wouldnt make sense unless he moves to Missouri.

So many what ifs that I need to let go of.

First thing….I need to see if his father will supervise, second get him served.  Then…see if he will simply agree and let us go…or if he will get a lawyer and fight for more.

We will see…

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