Finally made the call

The county that I live in has nobody to pay for supervised visits with children.
My lawyer advised that termination of parental rights is not possible, so I need to find someone willing to supervise.

The only people I know and trust in Missouri are 5 hours away.  They are my husbands dad and stepmom.
I dropped two bombshells on them today.  One that I filed for divorce and two that I wanted them to supervise once a month for the next 18 years…

My husband has not spoken to them since the day after I got the restraining order.  So 6 months with no contact at all.  They believe he was on drugs and stole from them.
Well, I asked his stepmom and she said her first reaction is yes…but she is concerned because of the lack of relationship but mainly the fact that they do not trust him and think it will not be long before police are called.  I think they are the perfect people to supervise and possibly move away to no visits at all.
The kids are not safe with him, I am not safe around him even his dad and stepmom do not feel safe.  They are glad he has decided he wants nothing to do with them.
His stepmom will be calling my lawyer and hopefully they can come to an agreement.

I hate being forced into visits when he has not asked a soul about the kids in 6 months and he is hella dangerous.  Honestly visits are not worth my childrens lives or my life. He is not above homicide and it scares me shitless.

I wish there were an easy solution.  But there is none.

I need to relax and give it to God.  I can not control anything but myself…not my husband, not my father or mother in law, not my lawyer or the judge.  I am sick with worry and I cant get rid of it.  I am throwing up and sick to my stomache…I cant concentrate on what I need and I cant stop thinking.

Just gotta keep giving it away.  Stop stressing.  Ask God to handle it and give me peace.  I can not enjoy today worrying about tomorrow or dwelling on the past.

On a side note….I finally simply let go of my fixation on other peoples issues.  I have enough in my own life and everyone must walk their own path.  I have lost my jealousy of others being sinful (vengeful, sexually, managing money, lying, stealing etc).
I am at peace with following Christ and not lusting after sinful actions.  I am not perfect…i still have issues…but going from being jealous of other peoples sinning to focusing on living right is a big step for me.


1 Comment

  1. Have you voiced your concern about his homocidal tendencies to the lawyer/ judge? I am pretty upset to hear that the courts and child protective services are not doing more to help….please let me know if you want me to do some some research….at least in nj I have been pretty good at getting water from a rock…;)

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