It has been awhile…

Sorry I have not been blogging recently.  I recently have finished my first semester at the university (I am getting my criminal justice degree).  I got 4 A’s and a high B.  I must admit…I am disappointed.  But it is ok.  I just need to try harder next semester.

Anyway, I have finally moved out of the domestic violence shelter that my kids and I lived at for 11 months.  We didn’t get the nicest of places, but it is a place to call home.  Since my divorce, things have overall been calm.  I have my emotional moments, but all is well.  There has been zero contact with my now ex-husband, he does not know where we are and we are all safe.

I am finally at the place where I see my role in the past and where I want to overcome all of the deep issues.  I truly thought that after being away from him and safe for over a year that I would be “over” all of my issues.  The fact is that I realize now I have more deep rooted issues that I thought.  That is ok because realizing the issues and admitting them are the first steps toward overcoming them.

This blog (and my subscribers) have helped me get to the place I am right now and I think it is past due that I jump back in continue blogging my journey.

Much love,

Me

Redefining who I am

For perhaps the first time in my life, I am defining who I am, my own goals, and who I want to be.  At 28, I am finally free from abuse, harassment, intimidation and feeling responsible for the feelings of those around me. 

So who am I?  I am Brandi (last name withheld) an smart, caring loving woman and mother to three small children.  Since I cam remember, I have always wanted to help people.  My dreams have shifted from trauma surgeon, to emt, to fire fighter, to police, to corrections…and finally I have all but settled on probation officer, detective, and my final goal forensics (blopd splatter specialist etc).  I have a deep desire to help victims of crimes, to get justice for those who have been killed, as well as help those who commited unspeakable crimes.

In my free time, I love arts and crafts, learning to live within my means and rely on myself, as well as guiding my kids in their journey to fimd themselves and become productive loving adults.

I am officially divorced

My husband was in default and did not appear for our custody/divorce hearing.  I was granted sole legal and physical custody of our three children as well as the disolution of divorce. 
A new chapter is begining and I am very thankful that my children and I were given this amazing do over…and a chance for happiness and safety.
God is good, He is faithful.  All things do work for the good of those who love Him.
I am proud of myself, thankful for this blessing and appriciate all the support I have had through these past few months.  I was brave enough to go all out and fight for what we need and God was faithful….blessing us more than I could have ever expected

Today marks 1 year to the day since I left my abusive husband

Today also marks 1 year that my children and I have been living in shelters. Every day (aside from the single day I got a hotel for us for the night) we have been living in domestic violence shelters.  The first two we stayed about 60 fays each.  Which means this long term domestic violence shelter has been our home for the past 8 months. 
It has been an incredible journey to say the least.  I am very thankful to the people and organizations that have helped us get this far.
I have had no contact with my abuser (husband) since September when I was granted a full order of protection.  I have my custody/divorce hearing on the 12th of this month and I should be granted what I requested since he did not respond or object to me having full custody.  I also asked that he be not granted any visitation.  I choose to not request child support to help ensure our safety and to cut all ties as clean as possible.  So…in less than 2 weeks…I should be single (divorced) for the first time in over 10 years.  Strange to think about…but very liberating and freeing.
I enrolled in online college with an accredited university to get my associates in Criminal Justice.  I have applied for the Women’s Independence Scholarship Program (WISP).  The scholarship is for women who have left an abusive relationship and need schooling to better provide for their families.  I am waiting to see if I get it *fingers crossed*.  The average award is 2k paid to the school you are enrolled in.
I also applied for a scholarship through my church for Women in Transition (divorce, leaving abusive relationship, widows etc).  I thought if I got the scholarship it would be $100, but I received a letter saying I was granted a $1000 award paid to my school!!  So thankful!!  Classes start on August 18th…and I am taking a full load of 12 credits a semester.
Soooo…with the online school thing..I will be needing to purchase a laptop!!  Yay!!  So besides school I will be able to focus on my blog more, pretty it up, make it more user friendly, complete with hyperlinks, helpful information and more about recovering from abusive relationships.  So excited!!

So…stay tuned for an improved blog from me, Brandi.

I love you guys…you have supported me through this all and finally I will have the resources to give back in a more produ

ctive way

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Lol selfie with paper towels in the bathroom floor

Today I cried for my children

I did not cry because they will br raised in a “broken” home.
I did not cry because of the things the witnessed snd have gone through.
I did not cry because (hopefully) their dad will not be in their life.
I did not cry because they are disadvantaged, or because it will be hard for us.

I cried out of happiness.  Today, all four of us were cuddling on the house and it just hit me how much they are thriving, how much they have grown, how they are such great kids, and how happy they really are. 

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, leaving was the correct choice.  My children are safe, healthy and happy.  They are no longer abused, they are not stressed, they do not see mommy and daddy arguing or daddy hurting mom.  It has almost been a year since we left and they are totally different kids. 
I am thankful I was able to leave while they are still young and that I have not brought them into another unhealthy relationship.
These children are beautiful human beings.  They are our future.  No relationship is worth what these kids have been through.

Today…my husband is in default

I filed for divorce at the of January.  It has been quite the process to get pleadings how I wanted/needed and to get him served.  Today marks 30 days since the date of service.  He did not respond, has not told his family he was served and has not hired a lawyer.
This is the best thing I could have asked for at this point.  I am fighting for full custody, no rights (legal or otherwise) for my husband and no child support.  I simply want to cut all ties and create a safe life for my children and I. 
Since he failed to respond…the procceedings will go on without him.  God is good.  He has gopd plans for those who love and trust him and he does not wish bad on us.
I have had successful no-contact for almost 10 months.  So him not appearing for court is good…I was afraid old emotions of love, empathy, and codependancy would come up if he showed up at court dressed all nice and playing tje sweetheart game he played when we first met.

Now…I must admit that being faced with concrete proof (for the world to see) that he does not care about his children stings.  It stings alot.  But…what more proof so I need to know I am doing the right thing?  I actually need no more proof at all.
I have been choked up, on the verge of letting a tear…or a million tears fall all day.  But…with three kids awake I have not had a minute to actually let my feelings out.  I rarely cry…but tonight I do not think I will able to stop them from falling.
I am feeling very happy, sad that I am happy, very alone, sad that the world has so much hurt and very lonely.  This is the accumulation of years of pain…that will end in a final seperation.  While it what I want…I will grieve what my dreams, the man I thought I had, the good times and the bad.
But in the end…I will be stronger, safer, more concious and smarter. 

Really…there is no downside to getting a divorce in which i have full custody and all rights to our kids.

I look forward to the future.  I have hope that I will not be a Nancy Grace murder mystery.